If you have been sexually assaulted, take care of yourself, whether your experience is recent or past. Know that you have done nothing to provoke or cause the assault. Sexual assault is the perpetrator's fault--NOT the vicitm's.
In legal terms, sexual abuse is any sexual contact that is against a person's will or without consent. This includes situations where force, violence, or weapons are used as well as situations where the victim is intoxicated or scared into giving consent. Sexual abuse happens to men as well as women. In fact, by most estimations, 5% to 10% of sexual abuse committed in the United States involves male victims. Some experts say that as many as 1 in 10 men will be sexually abused in their lifetimes. These numbers may sound startling because sexual abuse against men is not discussed often.
Sexual abuse against men happnes in many different ways. Some men are abused by a stranger, or a group of strangers, while others may be abused by someone they know. Men are sometimes sexually abused by women, but most often they are sexually abused by other men. Some abusers use weapons, physical force, or the threat of force to control the situation. Others may use alcohol, drugs, or a combination of both to prevent victims from fighting back. No matter how it occurs, it is a violation of a man's body, and it can have lasting emotional consequences.
Myths and Facts:
Myth: Men can't be sexually abused.
Fact: Men are sexually abused. Any man can be sexually abused regardless of size, strength, appearance or sexual orientation.
Myth: Only gay men are sexually abused.
Fact: Heterosexual, gay and bisexual men are equally likely to be sexually abused. Being sexually abused has nothing to do with current or future sexual orientation. Sexuality has no more to do with being abused than being robbed.
Myth: Men cannot be sexually abused by women.
Fact: Although the majority of abusers are male, men can also be sexually abused by women.
Myth: Erection or ejaculation during sexual abuse means the survivor "really wanted it" or consented to it.
Fact: Erection and ejaculation are physiological responses that may result from mere physical contact or even extreme stress. These responses do not imply the survivor wanted or enjoyed the abuse and do not indicate anything about sexual orientation. Some abusers are aware how erection and ejaculation can confuse a victim of sexual abuse--this motivates them to manipulate their victim to the point of erection or ejaculation to increase their feelings of control and to discourage reporting the crime.
Unique Issues Faced by Male Survivors:
There is great societal denial of the fact that men are sexually abused. Other than in prisons, most of us don't ever hear about the topic of male sexual abuse. The need to deny the existence of male sexual abuse is partly rooted in the mistaken belief that men are immune to being victimized, that they should be able to fight off any attacker if they are truly a "real man." A closely related belief is that men can't be forced into sex.
These mistaken beliefs allow many men to feel safe and invulnerable, and to think of sexual abuse as something that only happens to women. Unfortunately, these beliefs may also increase the pain that is felt by a male survivor. These beliefs can cause the male survivor to feel isolated and ashamed.
For most men the idea of being a victim is very hard to handle. Men are raised to believe that a man should be able to defend himself against all odds, or that he should be willing to risk his life or sever injury to protect his pride and self-respect. Men are supposed to fight to the death over something like unwanted sexual advances. These beliefs about "manliness" and "masculinity" are deeply ingrained in many men and can lead to intense feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy for the male survivor of sexual abuse.
As a result of guilt, shame or anger some men may punish themselves by exhibiting self-destructive behavior after being sexually abused. For some men, this means increased alcohol or drug use. For others it means increased aggressiveness. Some men pull back from relationships and end up feeling more isolated.
Male survivors, as with female survivors, may also develop sexual difficulties after being sexually abused. It may be difficult to resume sexual relationship or start new ones because sexual contact may trigger flashbacks or memories of the abuse. Healing takes time, so don't pressure yourself into sexual intimacy before you are ready.
No wonder so few men actually get help after being sexually abused. The fact that only 5 -20% of all victims of sexual abuse actually report the crime--the percentage for male victims is even lower. Feelings of shame, confusion and self-blame may leave many men suffering in silence after being sexually abused.
WISE - www.free-to-soar.org
Effects of Sexual Violence:
Sexual assault is an act of violence and a crime. Being sexually assaulted by someone you know does not make the crime any less serious or traumatic and may have a longer-lasting effect. In fact, there may be additional trauma associated with acquaintance rape due to the violation of trust, shared social space, common friends, etc.
Sexual Assault is against the law, regardless of where it occurs or the gender of the victim or the perpetrator. Men who have experienced sexual assault have the same rights under the law as women. Men are entitled to the same services and support following a sexual assault. Crisis Centers offering services to victims of sexual assault want to extend those services to all, regardless of gender. Whether you choose to report or prosecute a sexual assault, your local crisis center can provide you with referrals for counselors and/or support groups that can help you deal with your experiences.
NHCADSV
